Seperation Anxiety

They are talking on Larry King right now about children in Houston and their cases of seperation anxiety. Can I just tell you that I can't even think of my two babies being seperated from me, from each other, from their dad... I just can't even think about it. I want to live in my little glass bubble where my world is perfect. UGH this is just so sad. I wonder how many of these children they would give me if they end up not finding their parents. I think they need me to be their Mom instead of what might happen to them.

I went and bought diapers

I had to do something. I could not sit idlely by and do nothing. So I went and bought 5 cases of diapers and two cases of wipes. I just could not watch the news without crying over those kids and the pregnant mothers.

I was listening to one of my favorite radio programs, Pete McMurray, and man who's nephew is a police officer down in New Orleans and is trying to get supplies to those who need them. I couldn't listen without feeling like I had to do something. It might have been better for me to give to the Red Cross but I just wanted to do something immediate. So I went and bought 5 cases of Huggies and 2 cases of wipes. You should have seen the looks on the faces of people, especially mothers, as I strolled my cart piled high with all these diapers. At least 5 people asked me, "DO YOU HAVE THAT MANY CHILDREN?" I told them no and explained what I was doing in hopes that others would give something in their own way as well. I then got into a conversation with someone in the check out line who had family down there and they just heard from them that day.

Well, I hope that I did the right thing. I hope they get to where they are suppose to go. Even if they don't get to New Orleans but they get to those in need I will be glad.

I hope that everyone can give in some way. If you have anything think of those who have nothing. Give what you can, and be thankful for what you have.

I'm amazed

I'm up at 4:00 am today not because I'm feeding the boy; that happened at 3. I'm not up at 4:00 am because one of my favorite shows, My So Called Life, is on. I'm up because I can't sleep; I can't believe the country we live in. I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE I KEEP THINKING OF THOSE IN THE SOUTH.

I can't help but wonder if we were a foreign country where our rich and famous vacation would the relief effort be greater? The babies... the babies that don't have diapers, food, formula, water, even parents. I just can't even think about it. But that's my problem, I can't help but think about them. We all need to think about them.

These people stranded at the Super Dome. Why did they put the people there in the first place? I thought it was the stupidest thing to do in the first place. Now they are moving them from the Astro Dome. One dome to the next? I just hope they get help. They NEED our help.

Our President. HE'S A FREAKING IDIOT. I'm watching him right now. Talking to Diane Sawyer. HE'S AN IDIOT. He has no idea, he did a fly by at 5000 feet and tried to act like he know, feels, their pain. When you are handed everything on a silver platter Mr. President you don't know the Poor’s pain. It often amazes me how the rich white people think that they can even think they know the pain of the poor black.

I think if I were single with know children, I would be taking my vacation to volunteer my time. Why? To make myself feel better? YES. But then last night I'm watching our local new anchor that is in Mississippi. He was told not to go to New Orleans; they don't want anyone there. If they don't want people there who is going to help. I just have this horrible feeling that the powers that be just want the people who are starving, dehydrated, living in squalor to go away. How will they go away? Die? I am afraid they are being left to die. The babies. They can't leave them to die.

I think that my tithe this week is going to the American Red Cross. I have to do something. I am one of the haves... I have to help the have nots of my own country. So I encourage all the haves to give to the have nots. I just hope it's not too late.

Have you ever had a girl crush?

Girl crushes were the topic of many news programs and talk shows a week or so ago. I found it very interesting that this was such a BIG subject and it got me thinking, I have had a few girl crushes in my day. Then my friend Kelly wrote a blog about her girl crushes and I found something interesting... two girls who live way across the country from each other who are simply connected by an internship they did in 2001 and have become good friends could have many of the same girl crushes. So I thought I would write about mine. I know for a fact I have had several girl crushes over the years and they were all related to the... "I want to be your friend" feeling. I think girls look at other girls who are prettier, smarter, funnier, more talented as girls they want to be associated with. They want this girl to be their friend.

My first official girl crush and a "crush" that I still sort of have is that of Brooke Shields. Since I can remember she was the only girl I thought could relate to me. Her parents were divorced, she lived with her mom, she was 6'0 tall. Why couldn't we be friends? In high school I would do the "pose", "senior picture" we use to say and I would often think... that is my Brooke pose. I had pictures of her, I would always buy the People magazine when there was an article on her. I remember going to see her movies, none of which were academy award winners, but it put me as close to her as I could get. For a while she sort of fell off the radar but whenever I heard of something new she was doing or some show she was going to be on I would watch. Then this last year when that idiot Tom Cruise was chastising her for her post partum depression I wanted to defend the person who I wished had been my friend since about 1979. We are only 6 people away from the person we want to meet so maybe some day she will be in Chicago and I will have a chance to meet her but until then... This was my first girl crush.

My other official famous person girl crush is Sarah Jessica Parker. I can remember things that she did as a young girl, teenage years, this great show that was in the early 80's called "A Year in the Life". It was one of those girl shows that just made you feel every emotion. I think I still have a VHS recorded with a couple episodes of this show, I told my mom she couldn't get rid of it. I followed her life here and there. Marriage, baby, and then the GREAT show, Sex in the City. I think many women looked at the life of Carrie Bradshaw and thought... "Boy I wish I where her" or "My life is just as nuts as hers". I think that girls often have this wish and thought that her life is so much better than mine, I wish I could be her. We don't know what their private life is like but we see them on the red carpet, we see them acting in a show wearing all the clothes that we want to wear, and well we just wish we could be their friend. We simply have a crush.

I have had crushes on people who I have became and have not become friends with. Some friendships were short lived some were long some were nonexistent. In grade school it was Frannie, the center for the high school basketball team. In high school it was an assortment of my friends and other girls I wanted to be friends with. In college, Jamie was my first friend on campus. She had a great personality, she could wear th neatest clothes. She was oh so preppy in her pink and green and boy was that in!!! Also there was a Debbie, who I wanted for my pledge Mom. It didn't work out that way but we did become friends. She was so funny and smart, she wanted to be a teacher as did I. I really looked up to her.

My friend, Tonya, hated me when she first knew me. As many people do, I'm loud, I'm outspoken, but when you get to know me... what's not to love... ha ha ha. She wasn't married, had the life I wanted, went here and there, out with friends, doing activities I was in a not so happy marriage and I just wanted to be her friend. She wore the neatest clothes and her hair was never out of place.

Others would include Kelly, who walked in to the first night of our internship, before we actually started, telling everyone hello but she wanted to do something on her own that night. Sister friend I wish I had had the guts to do that. I wanted to be out on the town with you. Becky and Jenny, when I got divorced took me under their wing and had more fun together then people should have. Shelli, who is one of the smartest people I have ever met. And my ex-sister-in-law, Carol, she was so much fun I always wanted to be around her.

I have had many crushes on and off in my life, these are just a few that stick out in my mind. I find it interesting that this was such a major topic of discussion a few weeks back. With the books out their about dating and how hard it is for girls to read guys. We are suppose to know "The Rules" or that "He's Just Not That Into You" it's a wonder that we all don't just get really screwed up. We need to have girl crushes. With out my girlfriends and/or make believe girlfriends, I don't think I would be who I am. I would not have had the experiences that I have had. I am who I am because of my friendships with these women and many others.

I just have one question... Do guys get crushes on guys? If they do I bet they wouldn't tell us.

Tommy Lee Goes to College... Part 2

You know I just love this show. You know from the start that it is all sort of a set up but you have to admit, there is a bit of interest in the fact that you have a man who has made MILLIONS as a drummer and he is having a hard time making the marching band. Hail to the kid who helped Tommy Lee out so that he could learn the cadence. Hail to all the "nerdy" kids that are getting their 15 minutes of fame. And yes hail to all the "pretty" girls who get their 15 minutes of fame on the show also.

The reason why I think I like this show, is how many of us wish we could have a do over. Or how many of us wish we could have been the "nerdy" kid that got picked to be the roommate? How many of us wish that we were the "cool kids" that got invited to that party in their room? I guess in some way this is a way to relive those years. Have a do over if you will.

I think that I will have to write a blog entitled "My Do Over" List, I don't think I wish to connect it with my new found obsession with Tommy Lee and his going back to college. I would however encourage people to watch this silly show. I think it's a riot.

I really don't want to be one of those wives!!!

It's official... I need an Oprah makeover, to be on "what not to wear", and how to look 10 years younger all at the same time. I didn't mean to do it to myself, but I have. Before I went back to work, you could find me daily in the same T-Shirt and stretch pants. Now that I have gone back to work, I dress for work and the minute I get home I change into my big and baggy clothes that feel comfy.

I don't know maybe it is because of the nursing and I just don't want to be confind while I'm feeding the boy but my favorite things to wear right now are non-form fitting clothes. Maybe it's that I have 25 pounds to go to where I was when I met Don and I want to get to that weight before I buy much new. I know that this is not what you are suppose to do, you are suppose to buy clothes as you go through your stages but we would be in the poor house if I did that.

Why is it that so many of us forget to take care of ourselves? Why don't we worry about what we look like? I think that I often take Don for granted and I really need to remember it is because of him I have these lovely children. I bet he would appreciate it if I looked nice around the house from time to time.

Now that I'm back to work finding time to work out is also a problem. I think that it is more important to spend time with my kids than to go to Bally's and work out. I could go during my lunch, now that we have moved our office and Bally's is less than 100 feet from the office front door. If I work out I will feel better but it is that vicious cycle of trying to find and justify the time of taking care of myself over being with my kids, husband, and at work. I have to figure out a way to find the happy medium.

I guess instead of writing this blog I could be in the bathroom curling my hair since Don will be home in a few minutes, but I would rather be sitting here with my computer on my lap, Mac laying on his butterfly kicking up a storm, waiting for Grace to wake up. It is much easier to run after kids in comfy clothes.

Well I guess it's just a case of needing to remember to take care of myself and my family and maybe taking care of myself is taking care of my family. None the less... Oprah if you have an opening for your makeover show I would be glad to volunteer.

Tommy Lee Goes to College...

Call me crazy... and many of you may... but I'm really looking forward to this silly reality show that is going to start tonight about Tommy Lee going to college. I think that it is my history, and that of most of the women in my family, that we like/d those rebel guys. It might also be that I find certain stupid things humorous. I think this is going to be humorous. I have to see why NBC decided to put this tatooed has been drummer, who has been in and out of jail for reasons that are not becoming at all. I'm sure that my whole family will banish me to the other room but I have to see this show if only one time to find out if it is REALLY stupid or not.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate ... that is the question...

We have chosen not to vaccinate our children. To some that is the greatest sin I could ever commit and others commend us for sticking to our guns about this subject. I must tell you that there are days when I struggle with the decision because I worry what I am going to do when it is time for the kids to go to school, but I will cross that bridge when I get there.

I had done some reading provided by my holistic doctor, Dr. Renee Welhouse, who not only helped me to lose close to 100 pounds and who I believe is the whole reason after 7 years of infertility made it possible for me to have children. I have a lot of faith and trust in this woman and so I listened to what she had to say to me about this subject. My mother-in-law was very against vaccinations and so I listened to what she had to say. Then Don and I discussed it and we decided that at this time we were not willing to take the risk and putting our children in harms way of vaccines that contain harmful levels of mercury. We believe that there is a connection of autism to the levels of thimerosal and we don't wish to play that game of roulette with the children that we waited so long to have.

A few months back the Today show did a week long segment on autism in America. I was VERY disappointed in this show as they literally spent less than 5 minutes that there was even a possiblility of the a link between vaccines and autism. I was thinking the whole time... are people in denial or do they just not want to adress the subject. However, yesterday, FINALLY there was a true debate about this subject on Meet the Press. David Kirby, the author of Evidence of Harm: Mercury in Vaccines and the Autism Epidemic: A Medical Controversy and Dr. Harvey Fineberg, president of The Institute of Medicine (IOM) discussed the subject of mercury in vaccines at length and I am happy to say I still think that we have made the right decision. Since the 1980 when 1 in every 10,000 chilren were diagnosed with autism to 2003 the ratio was 1 in every 166, and yes there might be more forms of this neuological condition but I don't care, 1 in every 166 is way too much for me.

I felt, as did others, whom I have talked to since yesterdays show that Dr. Fineberg was on the defensive the whole time. He did little to recognize what parents had said about the changes in their childrem from the first year of life to the second and the change in the child after the vaccinations. I was shocked to also learn that over 50% of the vaccine itself thimerasol, which is over 60% more than the legal levels a child should be exposed to. What if your child is one of those 166 whose body cannot break down the mercury? Could your child become autistic? It is not a chance I am willing to take. Not at this time.

At the end of yesterday's MTP Tim Russert stated that as of 2003 thimerasol is no longer in chilren vaccines but it might be contained in other vaccinations, such as the flu vaccine, so parents could start to worry less, but it was also stated that it would take a few years to find out if this really might have been the link to autism. It seems to me the medical community doesn't want to do the research to find out if this was the link. I think there are many people worried if they admit that there was a link they will be sued and all that goes with lying to the American publice for 30 some odd years.

Mr. Kirby does say in the forward of the book that he does not recommend not vaccinating your children, that we have come a long way and the diseases that we vaccinate against are all diseases that killed children, but I don't know that I am ready to jump on that band wagon yet. I have been reading in the past day many writings of parents whose children have autism and they truly believe it was contracted as a result of the vaccines. I will take my chance. I don't think the odds of my child getting the mumps, measles or rubella and/or dying from them are as great as the odds of them contracting autism.

I will wait for the results of any research that is done in the next few years and if they can prove to me there is no link then they can shoot my kids in the arm with vaccines, until then I will continue to bug my sister-in-law for the letter she can get her hands on from an attorney that gives me the right to send my kids to public school even though they have not been vaccinated.

Breastfeeding = Bonding... BOLOGNA

I heard on the news that some time this month or week or something mothers are uniting and they are going to go out and breatfeed in public. It is something like national breastfeeding day. ARE PEOPLE NUTS???? I couldn't believe it. I can't nurse in public because I would probably be arrested because I am so large chested I think people would think I am trying to strangle my child, plus I don't know what the big deal is. If you can physically feed your child in public then do it but jeez don't make such a big deal, and keep yourself covered... I truly believe people don't care when mother's nurse in public but they don't want to see you all hanging out. I just don't get it...

You know committing to nurse your child is the most time consuming thing anyone could ever do. I tell you, the only thing I think I have time for these days is to feed my child. I know that is not true because Don and I seem to be doing many activities with our kids, we are not home 24/7 but I feel like I do nothing but feed or pump. Our schedule revolves around Mac's feeding schedule or I am leaking a river down my t-shirt. Every 3 hours I nurse or pump or both... that equals 1 hour plus. That is just a lot of time!!!

I know that I do this for my child's health. Grace was hardly sick and I know that is because I nursed her. They say it is so good for them. Plus I have lost all my baby weight plus 20 pounds and that is because you burn off 500 calories a day by doing this. So I do it. I have also read that after 6 months the bonus of nursing really drops off so that is why I have committed to 6 months. I can't believe these Moms that nurse forever... you know Mom if they are old enough to ask for it... I think they are old enough to drink from a sippy cup at least.

I have read in books that this is a wonderful bonding time for the mother and the child. Well I don't know if people really are telling the truth because they are suppose to be all motherly and such. Are mothers afraid to admit that they didn't like to nurse your child? I try to remember that you can do anything for 6 months, and that it's ok that I don't like it... I remember just grossing out at the thought of breast feeding. I use to say "No child is mine is going to be nursing on me"... we eat our words sometimes don't we. Well... I only have 4 1/2 months left and I can't wait until it is all over. I can get my life back. I won't have to feel like my chest is dragging on the ground and worry about if I'm going to be in public and streams of liquid will be running down my shirt!!!! UGH I HATE IT... but it is good for the baby. I try to remember that every time I sit down for my hour of anguish.

snake in my house

For those of you who know me well know that I don't just fear snakes... I HATE THEM!!! HATE HATE HATE them. (In fact I won't even download a photo because I can't stand to even look at them in the two dimensional) Well, I have a feeling I am going to have to somehow get over this fear. Last Saturday my husband had my daughter out in the garden and well in the tomato patch they found a gartner snake about the size of a earthworm. A baby snake... He decided to pick up this snake and put it in Grace's bug container (which is another thing I hate) and Grace wanted to bring it in the house to show Mommy.

As they came in the house Don yelled to me... "Christy don't scream too much." I didn't know what he was talking about but... as Grace got closer to me I saw what was in the container and I couldn't help it. I screamed! Grace didn't know what that was all about and I decided that I had to get control of myself and not act like this was a bad thing because one of two things will happen. She will look for bigger ones to bring me when she is older to tease her Mom, or she will be scared of the stupid reptiles and well I don't want her to have the fear that I do.

So I did touch the container, more that once and tried to act like... "Oh yes that is so nice."

I don't know what I'm going to do when Mac gets big enough to survey the property with Dad and Grace and they find bigger animals that I do not care for!!!

Why can't they just be happy with the deer that often wander in the back?

Neil Diamond

I don't know exactly when it happened or when it happened... might have been a night my girlfriends and I tied one on at the North End back home in Sterling. Might have been me just trying to give Marty the DJ a hard time every night he was working at North End. Or was it that when one of his songs was played everyone we were out with would start to sing at the top of their lungs "Sweet Caroline" or "Crackin' Rose make me a smile..." but somewhere along the line in my life time I have started to LOVE Neil Diamond. I must say that I really only like the old stuff ... you get to the 80's and well "Forever in Blue Jeans" could have stayed forever in the trash can.

Anyway I remember being so excited about hearing that Neil was coming to Chicago but I was 7 months pregnant at the time and I didn't buy tickets. Just last week the news did a clip that Neil was in town and I was sooo bummed that I forgot all about it and didn't get tickets. I didn't think that I would feel like going to a concert when I was still pregnant but Mac was such a easy delivery and has been such an easy baby that I regret not going. Oh well... I think I would have shocked my husband if we had gone. He freaks out as it is that I know every word to every song ever written. I think if I had been singing to all of Neil's songs with all the "older" ladies in the crowd I might have sent him over the edge.

I guess I'll have to catch him next time he comes to town. Maybe I can get the gals together and we can have a little reunion and they can all sit and laugh at me as they often did when I would yell at Marty... "Neil Diamond!!! Play Neil Diamond!!!"

Off the charts

We went for Mac's one month check up today. I knew that my guy had grown, but I had no idea of the change he had made. The little guy has gained 3 1/2 pounds and grown 2 inches in one month. I was shocked. With Grace, she always grew in length but she gained weight slowly and still does. The doctor told us that he is gaining 1 2/3 ounces a day and the average is one ounce. When he plotted his numbers on the chart he didn't even fall on the standards... he is literally off the chart. Grace, she is always around 95 percentile with height but her weight is always some where around the 50th percentile.

As a woman who has struggled with her weight her entire life I have to say that I am very happy that Grace, at this time, seems to have gotten the Hagemaster skinny gene. I am however hoping that Mac gets a happy medium between Don and me and he will be both tall and solid as a "Mac"k Truck. Maybe we will have a Football or Basketball player on our hands. Grace already enjoys playing with the Volleyball with her dad...

OH NO is I don't stop they will be signing me up for that show on Bravo about the Monster Parents. I promise I won't be that bad!!!

If you were dying?

I saw a segment the NBC Nightly News last week about a Mother who was dying of breast cancer and what she was doing for her daughter before she passed. I had seen this same thing, on Oprah a few years back, where a mother had done the same thing, made tapes of her reading stories, tapes of her advice about boys and growing up etc. I thought the whole time I was watching this of my cousin Rhon... was she doing anything for Lisa to remember her by as she continued to grow up? Is this something important to do? Is it important that if we were to leave this world early that we leave something for our children? When I saw the lady on Oprah a few years back, I thought to myself that was a very good idea. But is it more for the adult, than for the child. Is it the adult parents way of coping with their mortality and that they won't be around to give their kids the advice they had always wanted to? I sit here and wonder... would a father feel that they needed to do this the way that a mother might feel she needs to?

Well... I'm not sick, far from it I hope... but I have often thought I wanted to keep a log of life lessons and things that made a difference in my life for my kids if something where to unexpectedly happen to me. I have learned many things in my 40 years, and I know that since my children come from my flesh they too will learn many things the hard way. I often pushed the envelope and my Mom's buttons on a regular basis. Why? I don't know because I could. Because I was brought up to be independent. I don't know but I guess I am going to start exploring some of those things in this blog from time to time.

The following is a link to the website of the sick mother, Joelle Pauporte. She has started a foundation for providing books to kids who have a parent suffering from cancer. I thought it was a neat idea and I thought I would share.

I'm OLD!!!

Is 40 old or young???

It was when I was 15 and my mom turned 40. When my kids turn 15 I will be 53 and 55... that's old.

Or is it?

Will my kids keep me young?

People say that they do.

I know many women in their 60's who have 20+ year old children. They look great. Is it because they have younger children?

It amazes me how with Grace just 22 months ago I could do all the feedings in the night. I didn't need all this sleep. Mac however is a different story. I can get through the 11:00 and the 2:00 but at 6:00 I wake my husband up and just hand him the baby and say I can't do this one. The next thing I know it's an hour and a half later and the baby has been fed. I'm getting old... I can't even stay awake.

I never took naps... EVER... I need a nap know. Does that mean I'm old? Maybe it means I'm young? My kids take naps and they are young. Isn't it true though that young and old people need to take naps? I'm OLD.

I might be OLD but I am very lucky. I have two VERY healthy children. I have lost all of my baby weight and then some... (subject of another blog soon). I had to wait 40 years to have my kids evidentally so that I could be a good Mom. A Mom who worries about EVERYTHING, but I think I'm a good Mom. I think my kids will keep me young no matter how old I am!!! I hope that they get to do what they want to do with their lives and I hope that I am young enough to enjoy their life with them.

Is 40 OLD?

I hope not...

Super Nanny take me away...

I'm a former teacher, my husband is a teacher and yet our 22 month old baffles us everyday with the questions about what should we do with her? I watched Super Nanny before the baby came a long, plus I don't think she is on tv for the summer, and I'm trying to remember what I saw on that show and different things that I have read... I need to structure my daughter's day.

She is so smart that she scares me. She's not really big on talking but she could do it more if she chose to. She can count to four, loves to play (bang) at the piano, can tell you about every part of the body, many more things that I don't need to brag about but one thing I do know is that I need to start structuring her day. She is just all over the place throughout the day. That has really come about since ther baby has gotten here. Mostly because I am breastfeeding the baby and that takes time away from her. I have, however, told my husband that we have to get them both on schedule because it will be better for all of us. I have taken a nap away from Grace so I have to find things for her to do in the afternoon especially. Tomorrow I'm off to the teacher store to find specific activities for her. Also I want to find these black and white flashcards for the baby so while Grace is doing a lesson we can do something with Mac too. I was so good at having Grace on a schedule when she was the only one but I have lost my mind somewhat now that there are two.

I also need to get them scheduled or I can see my mother taking control when she starts watching them full time again when I go back to work. My mother has this unique way of telling me that I don't do things right but she does. I think this is the way with all mother and daughters but I really do not want to deal with it. I want to have my schedule in place so that I can tell her what I want done with my kids, not her telling me what I should be doing. I get a little frustrated that my mom will just put on a video while she does a crossword puzzle, but I guess that is the subject of another blog. Anyway, I digress...

I realized yesterday that I have a vast world of resources out there via the internet. I'm going to do some surfing of the web and find things for the girl and her family to do together. I'm going to make her have one nap a day. I'm going to get her schedule together so that things will flow smoother with her and Mac. I might have to go buy the Super Nanny book so that I can put everything into perspective. I think that I am obsessing about this because I really don't want one of those kids that people look down their noses at, and say behind your back... "that child is out of control." I don't want that at ALL!!!

So I guess I have to remember this is all still new to us, the two kids, the new brother, mom's time being divided, etc. But, I also have to start now... So anyone out there with suggestions of how to do this thing they call "Mother of 2" I will be forever in your debt.

Birth and the Human Udder

My life right now is all about feeding my child. I can’t believe how time consuming it is to breastfeed a child. I’m no stranger to breastfeeding, I did it with my firstborn, but I forgot how much time it takes. I feel like a human udder. Two big udders that every three hours gets smaller and then swell to the size of small watermelons, it is painful and backbreaking, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

In my past life when all my friends were having babies by means of natural childbirth and breastfeeding, I thought they were all nuts. I thought breastfeeding was gross, why would someone want to do that. I also thought that if you were going to have a child why not do it the easy way… just let them cut you open and get it out asap.

Boy have I changed in 15 years. I did the whole natural thing… I did need the drugs but I didn’t have to have anyone cut me open. In fact I find it hard to believe that someone would actually want to have a C-section unless it was only for the safety of the child. I have to tell you it does sort of gross me out the whole birthing process. I know that it is suppose to be the most beautiful natural thing, but I think it is the grossest natural thing. Grace was here in five simple pushes while I was watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” really nothing gross about her, but Mac… push one and his head was out and he started to cry. That absolutely grossed me out. I just wanted to scream, “GROSS ME OUT… GET HIM OUT PLEASE!!!” I’m glad that babies get here and become part of our families, but what happened to babies being delivered by storks or coming to us via the cabbage patch?

Not only did I do ok with the birthing thing… I’m also breastfeeding. I hate it. I hate every moment of it. People say that it is this wonderful bonding time with your child. I don’t know, but I just don’t feel that. I’m simply doing it because I have read in more that one article about the benefits to your child the first 6 months of their life if you breastfeed. I have to say that Grace has been a very healthy child and I swear it is do to breastfeeding. I know so many people who have had babies around the same time as we had our Grace, and well they have struggled with ear infections, allergies, sinus infections, etc, we have had none of that in 22 months. She has had her cold here and there but nothing chronic and nothing that has lasted more than a week. I will let you know if I have the same luck with Mac. I have had to watch what I eat with Mac. He doesn’t like certain foods. Hopefully that will go away as he gets bigger but for now I can watch my diet.

So now that I have probably shared WAY more with you than you have ever wanted to read about the birth and breastfeeding of my children… I would just like to encourage anyone who might be reading this and having child soon or someday to encourage you to breastfeed your child. It is so healthy for them. Don’t let someone tell you that you might not be able to do it, or that it is too hard. It is hard, it is time consuming, it is a royal pain in the ass (or should I say boobs), but it is the best thing you could ever do for your child. Think of it this way, if you pump and can get enough milk stored you won’t have to do it a full six months… I’m hoping that I can be done at least 2 weeks early!!! My gift to myself for not having any control over my body for 15 months is a 4 day trip to Vegas over Christmas. I hope someone will watch my children!!!

Feeling Guilty

I was so worried for the last month of how Grace would react to the new addition to our family. I don't think that she is doing too bad but I think there are things that I have done wrong with her up to this point that I am going to pay for until I break the bad habits I have created. (I can't say that I have created all the problems because I have wanted things to change but my mother baby sits for me and she doesn't always listen to what I say... I have a problem with that but that is for another blog). I also worry that some of these bad habits will be extremely hard to break because she will see that her new brother gets to do things that she use to ... why does she have to change? You know we don't want our children to hurt. When she cries it breaks my heart. I cry. When she sees me cry she cries... it's truly a vicious cycle. The only thing that I can say is that I have been really good about getting my kids on schedules and Grace has slept through the night since 6 weeks and Mac is already sleeping 5 hours at a time after his 10 and 3 feeding. I guess I need to focus my energy in breaking her habits as I do and have in creating her schedule. She is soooo scheduled sometimes it too is a fault but we are doing ok.

Grace's bad habits...

Number 1 - I still let her have the bottle. She's 21 months old and she still has the bottle. That is not good. The reason why it has gone on this long is that when she was littler she was so skinny and she hated the sippy cup so she wouldn't drink from anything than the bottle. We have found a sippy cup that she will drink from so now my goal is to get her to drink her milk from that. At 2 years... the bottle is OVER. Like it or not... tears or not... she is not going to have it any more.

Number 2 - She won't sit on the potty any more.
She use to sit there all the time. She was really good at it. I think that we sat her there too early and would keep her there too long and so now she just doesn't want to sit there. I'm trying to get her to sit there if even for 10 seconds... it's better than nothing. She is a really big (tall) girl so it is getting hard to change her on our changing table. She is too long.

Number 3 - She hates to sit in her seat at the table. This habit I will not take credit for. My mother created this problem. While home on maternity leave I am working on getting her back to the way she use to be.

You know as I sit and write these things I wonder... "Am I sweating the small stuff?" Am I worrying way too much about nothing? After all Grace won't drink from a bottle all her life, nor will she wear diapers her whole life, and surely she will at some point realize that she has to sit at the table to eat if she wants to fit in to societal norms. So it might be small stuff and I will try to remember that BUT doesn't it come in the Mom's Manual that you get to sweat the small stuff????

Where there is Life there is Death...

About a month ago we learned that my cousin Rhonda's battle cancer was beginning to take over her body. She had been admitted to the hospital and just hearing that I knew that it was the beginning of the end. Rhonda treated her cancer holistically. Doctors were amazed at how she was able to fight this rare form of cancer with natural foods, no meat, lots of greens, including something called green drink... it is not necessarily the best drink I have ever had but it is soooo good for you. Anyway, I so wanted to get back to Dixon to visit her but when I asked the doctor if I could make the trip he told me that he did not want me to take the chance. I had a life growing in me... she had death growing in her. I worried the last few weeks that Rhon would die the same day that my baby boy was born. When would the two come to fruition???

On June 30, between 11:30pm and midnight, Rhonda lost her battle to this horrible cancer. (I found out today... July 11 ... that I did not have the time and date correct ... Rhonda did die on July 1)
On July 1, 2:47am, Donald MacIntyre was born.

Rhonda fought for 3 years to beat this cancer. Doctors gave her 6 months to live when first diagnosed. She wanted to live everyday to the fullest. She never complained and she only worried about others. She has three beautiful children and a wonderful husband who were there for her. Plus she had all of our family, trying to give them all the support that she needed. Although at the end there was nothing we could really do except pray that she no longer suffer.

I found out at the funeral that Rhonda's middle name was Lee and I'm somewhat sad that I found this out too late. I actually might have let my Don name the baby Donald Lee the third had I known this. It would have been in my mind my little way of honoring her and my husband all in the same. I'm not disappoint with the Mac Daddy's name it's just that I could have had a family name... it's ok thought.

I believe that Mac now has his own gardian angel. His angel is a fighter and she will help to watch over my baby boy. One life in our family replacing that of another. It says in the Bible "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." I believe that although Rhon has been taken from us, she is much happier and no longer suffereing where she is now, and I believe that Mac will live up to the expectations of his family and his gardian angel and he will be blessed for life.

And the name is...

Donald MacIntyre. About two hours into labor when I was about ready to kill anyone who said anything to me, I told my husband that I would be naming this child and he had NO say!!! After the drugs kicked in and the pain. for the most part, went away I still had my heart set on Patrick MacIntyre. The problem was I could see this look on Don's face, this desire to have his son named after him but not wanting to seem like he wouldn't compromise. We had a name conversation right before we fell asleep, (5:00am) when we woke up, I said to him that we could name the baby Donald MacIntyre. I know that it made Don happy, I know that it was something he really wanted. I must say Mac fits the little guy. He is a bruiser. He came so fast that he sort of had what looked like a broken nose and bruises under his eyes like a football player.



So anyway let the nicknames begin... Big Mac, Little Mac, Mac Daddy, Little Mac Daddy, Macky... my biggest fear...Mac Donald. (Won't bother me however if some day he gets a MacDonald's endorsement deal)... It will be ok I suppose, he's bound to be a big boy and he will be able to defend himself no matter what people call him. For now he's my Baby Mac and I will gladly call him Mac the rest of my life.

The Last days of an Only Child

It has been very hard the last few days not being able to get on the floor, take a walk, help with the bath, etc. with my little one. Every day I wake up and think, "Is this going to be the last day that Grace is an only child?" It saddens me a lot because I have really enjoyed having her to myself (and her father) and giving her our full attention. I can give her everything she needs and I worry, as the second one gets very close to being here that I will forget to give her that same amount of attention. Being an only child I know that if my Mom was gone for a few days and came back with another little body... I don't think that I would have been very happy about it.

As I think about this I know that this issue is truly about me and not Grace. She gets up on my lap at night and puts her hands on my belly and pats it like she is talking to the baby. He kicks her generally from inside. It is like they are talking to each other. Maybe they already are? Maybe I don't need to worry... after all I'm giving her someone who she will know the longest in her life. Hopefully they will be thick as thieves, trust each other, protect each other... and even sometimes lie for each other. Hopefully, they both know how much we are blessed for them to have come into our lives. We are truly blessed.