Weight Loss... I hate the struggle

Since six weeks old I have been on a diet. Back then they switched you from whole milk to skim milk but whatever they did I have been on a diet virtually my whole life.

I have read every book, tried every diet and well finally three years ago I had hit rock bottom and decided I was going to change my life. I was close to 300 pounds, very unhealthy, and I found myself lying to guys on match.com about what I looked like. I would go on a date with some of these guys and I know that they had to be disappointed when they met me. I was just out of control. Before leaving for New York in August of 2001 I went to visit a friend who had lost a lot of weight when he really didn't need to. He told me that he was seeing a wholistic doctor and he was cleansing his body and through that he had lost weight. I left for New York deciding while I was there I was going to start working out, get a trainer, and eat right. Well, I did join Bally's, got a trainer, and continued to eat the same way I always had. I couldn't get past the food. I couldn't lose any weight. I believe that my body was so toxic at the time there was no way I could lose any weight.

In November, I got a new job in Skokie, IL and with that I knew I had to do something. I knew that I wanted to live in this area for the rest of my life. I wanted to meet a handsome man who would like to do the same things I did and I knew that was not going to happen being 300 pounds.

I called my friend and I asked him if he thought that the wholistic doctor he was seeing could help me get my weight off. He said yes, gave me her numbers, and on January 3, 2002 I went for my first visit.

As I said earlier it was all about food. I loved to exercize, I really do, I just never find the time to go, especially now with two kids and my husband... anyway... When I went to Dr. Renee for the first time I was floored by what she was telling me. She was showing me what was going on in my body by looking at my blood. She told me that my liver was full of junk and once we cleansed it my weight would start to come off. I have to tell you that I thought she was a bit of a nut at first... then she told me I had to eat all raw fruits and veggies for the first 10 days and I really thought she was nuts. She gave me some suppliments and a food list and well... I went home to have what I called at the time my last supper and began my new diet the next day.

Ten days of raw veggies when you don't even like vegetables is rough. I was lucky however in that there was a vegetarian restuarant in Evanston, not far from where I was living and so I went there every night to get a salad that I discovered. I can't tell you how many of these salads I ate over the next 8 months but it was a lot. I followed my diet almost to a "T". I would cheat from time to time, but not often. I would fast for a week once every 7 weeks. That was tough but you can do it if you put your mind to it. By June of 2002 I had lost close to 80 pounds and the weight was still coming off...

Then... I met Don. I was still trying to be good on my diet and he was very sensitive to the fact that I did eat a lot of vegetarian meals and so I didn't put any weight on while we were dating... UNTIL... I got pregnant. Now I had tried for over seven years to get pregnant with my ex-husband and nothing worked. I truly believe it was the cleansing of my body that helped me to get pregnant. So the baby was a miracle in my eyes and I wanted to only gain 20 pounds. I was trying to be very faithful and then I couldn't help it... I started to eat whatever and when ever I wanted to. I gained and gained and gained. I was so upset. After Grace was born I never quite got back on the saddle and then I got pregnant with Mac. He was a God send. I was sick most of the time with him and I only gained 20 pounds with him. After having him, my weight came off pretty easy. But now I'm one month from when I am going to stop nursing and I know that I have to get my act together again. On Dec. 23 I am going back to my wholistic Dr. and get back on the program. After Christmas day I am going to be as faithful as I was three years ago. I am an older parent so I need to be healthy. I need to be here for my kids.

So let the struggle begin. I have to have a lot of will power to make this work for me again. It is a big commitment. I am also going to join Weight Watchers so that my Mom can go with me... she need to shed a few pound also... but this way I will be accountable for my weight every week. I need to be accountable. If I follow the diet I do with Dr. Renee I will be able to eat all day long with Weight Watchers because I think certain veggies are free!!!

I will keep you posted with my struggle. If you too have this struggle I encourage you to post a comment and we can work on this together.

Independently Wealthy

Today I was approached by one of my members who said to me, "I heard that you are leaving us." I laughed at her and said, "Yeah right, if I were independently wealthy I would leave and stay home with my kids. But I'm not so I won't"

This got me thinking... if I were independently wealthy what would I do with my life. I know that I would stay home with my kids but I also know that I would still have my Mom come help me because she is the organized one and keeps my house in ship shape condition.

I think I would have to work in some capacity. Whether that be making more of my Mary Kay or Creative Memory business I could do that or I think that I might have to help with some sort of issue. I don't know what that issue would be but something. Or I might go volunteer at my church. I like the people there and it might be fun to help out.

If I were independently wealthy I would travel. A LOT!!! I think I would spend K-6th grade with my kids traveling the whole United States. I would home school them and travel to all the states see all there is to see and learn all that we could learn. I don't know how I would do this travel because Don could not fit in an RV but if we could have a custom made bus, like a rock star, I might be able to do this. Wouldn't that be neat...

I would have the house of my dreams with the biggest kitchen known to man. It would have storage space and room for at least 30 to sit and have Thanksgiving Dinner. I would have a separate living space for my Mom so she could help us during the day and then have her own "place" at night.

I would have more children. I have at least two more names that I would like to name kids but I'm too old and we're not independently wealthy so I won't chance it.

Well it's fun to think about what I would do if we were independently wealthy BUT we're not SO I will continue to go to work every day and work as hard as I can until I am independently wealthy and can do the things I want to do.

Ebay... you gotta love it...

I have just spent the last 2 hours (while my children nap) listing items on eBay. I have learned over the last year that I can make a lot more money on my "stuff" by selling Grace's clothes on eBay rather than having a garage sale. I also believe that I am going to do all of my Christmas shopping via eBay. I tell you it beats the crowds, the pushing, the shuving, and the loosing of ones wig because she gets pushed down in the frenzie!!! Happy shopping!!

Oprah Dave... Dave Oprah

IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!! I hate to see a grown man beg but David Letterman has been begging for years for Oprah to come on his show. Finally she has agreed. It's to promote her musical "The Color Purple" but she's going to be on... We'll all have to watch Dec. 1.

Those songs...

When I think of my childhood and moments with my Mom I often think of songs that were popular during a certain time of our life...What are those songs that help you remember moments in your life? Do you know them? Do you have any? My husband doesn't but they didn't listen to music like I did. I feel bad for him sometimes that he doesn't have music memories as I call them. When I look back know I'm so glad that I have those moments. I believe that I can remember so much about my childhood because I can hear a song and remember what was going on in my life when a certain song was popular. I started thinking of this subject the other day when I saw a commercial for Martina McBride's new album of old hits she is now covering. One of the songs on the album is "Help Me Make it Through the Night" which was originally done by Kris Kristofferson. My memory takes me back to a time when my Mom was dating a man named Ed. I was in first grade and I remember how much they liked this song. Ed use to come and pick my Mom to go on a date and he would steal my nose... I loved that... I remember when they broke up. I remember her pain. I know that she might think that I was too young to remember this but I remember every horrible minute it was for her. I remember her burning his pictures. I remember her crying in the middle of the night. I remember going over to the neighbors for the day so that her and her friend Carol could go shopping for the day so Mom could just get away. I remember not knowing what to do and being sad that Ed would never be coming around again. But I hear that song and it gives me a sense of love for my Mom. I really think at some point she thought she was going to marry Ed... Unfortunately it didn't work out that way.

I remember being 5 or 6 and Janis Joplin "Me and Bobby McGee" was popular. My Mom had bought the 45 (ok so how many of you out there remember what a 45 is???) and I remember her putting it on the record player and she would dance with me in our dining room.

I remember riding in the car, I believe it was a Nova, and Mom had the Carol King Tapestry Album on cassette tape. We didn't have a tape player in the car but we had a battery-operated tape player and we listened and listened and listened to that tape. I can still remember the words and whenever I hear a song from the album I tend to get a smile on my face.

We went to Florida the summer before I went into 2nd grade on a bus trip. There were two girls on the trip and they loved the song "Day by Day" and they would sing it out loud with out any background music...

When I was, I don't know about 8 years old on, I remember sitting in my room listening to that Carpenter's album and trying to get my voice to sound just like Karen Carpenter's. I was going to be a famous singer; I just had to get my voice to sound like hers.

Five girls and I use to get up in front of our music class in 5th grade and sing "Country Roads" by John Denver all the time. This was the first memory I have of someone telling me I could sing. I didn't do many things right when I was in grade school so this was a plus for me. It helped me make it through those rough days when then kids were cruel.

By the time I got to Junior High I was singing pretty regularly in choir and in the musicals my music teachers were putting together. Popular music was still a major part of my life and my friends life. One song that was very popular when we were in 8th grade was Debbie Boone's "You Light Up My Life". I will never forget the 8th grade talent show when Lisa Jones, a rather large African American girl who had a set of pipes on her that could blow you away, got up in front of the whole student body and said, "Robbie, this song is for you..." Robbie Carr and Janelle Hokenson were the popular couple, the "it" couple. Every one knew of Lisa's crush on Robbie, and there she was no fear singing "You Light up My Life" in front of God and everyone... She's was phenomenal. I remember standing a cheering her on. Janelle, Lisa, myself and a girl named Winnie sang in a quartet that year... we won so many awards. It was one of the best years of my life.

When I got to high school, from about my sophomore year on it was all about Journey and Styx. Maybe a little REO, maybe some Loverboy, but whenever I hear a Journey or Styx song I could tell you where I was... what I was doing... it was all about them...

Duran Duran, "Her Name was Rio" was my first MTV video. I was in Arizona, at an audition to get into the music program at ASU.

My first boyfriend, Brook, was "Straight from the Heart" and we ended on a "Total Eclipse of the Heart." My first formal in college was "Drive" by the Cars... the guy who took me had too much to drink and well he left me at the dance by myself. I remember coming out of the bathroom and he was gone. Or the first time my Dad came down to U of I with wife number 4 and they cleared the dance floor when they danced to "Hound Dog" by Elvis.

When I came home from college I worked as a waitress and bartender at the same place from 1987 until I think it was 2000. There was a house band called "The Movies" and variations of the like for many of the years we I was there. So many songs so little time.

My first husband our song was "Alone" by Heart. If you know the words to the song you would know that the relationship might have been doomed from the start. Toward the end of that relationship my theme song, as I called it, became "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi. I still can't hear that song without turning it up as loud as possible and singing my guts out.

Other songs during my 30's have special meanings... too many to mention tonight but oh so many...

One of my favorite memories of my friends from Sterling are those moments we were out at the "North End" and Marty was DJing and we would take his Mic and sing "Goodbye Earl" or "I Will Survive". These songs are for any girl who had ever had a bad relationship.

Don and I don't really have a song. I find that I don't listen to music as much as I use to before moving to the city where talk radio is the thing to listen to and/ or having my kids. I can't listen to Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" or Luther Vandross' "Dance with my Father" without bawling my eyes out.

So now Martina McBride has remade "Help Me Make It Through the Night" and I sit and wonder... will Grace, Mac and I have those special songs? Will we sing in the car like I did with my Mom? Will Grace know or remember that everyday for a year I would rock her to sleep and sing "Amazing Grace" to her? Will Mac know that the new song by Carrie Underwood "Jesus Take the Wheel" brings back memories of how one year before he was born I was in an accident that could have killed me but for some reason, I believe only God can explain, a higher power took the wheel of my car and kept me alive so that I could be his mother. Will they remember times in there life like I have? Will they have a favorite? I hope so. I hope that I can bring to them the joy of song that I have always had and hope that I will continue to have.

What to do with your kids for Christmas

The other day I went to this neat little story in Homewood, Art4Soul. While there I found out that they had a room for ceramics. I remember doing ceramics as a child, and Aunt of a friend of mine had a ceramic store and we would go there on Saturday afternoons and make something. Well while I was reminising I thought of something I am going to do with my kids, hopefully for every Christmas from now until well... for the rest of my life if they want to. Starting next Friday I am going to take my kids and we are going to make a plate. Grace is old enough that she can paint her plate and then we are going to put her hand on it. With Mac, this year, I will paint his plate and then we will try to put his hand on the plate but if that won't work, then we will do his feet this year.

Maybe I'm just hoping that my kids will appreciate this activity, but I know at some point in their life they won't want to do it. I DON'T CARE. I have decided this is the thing we are going to do together at Christmas and it will be a "mom thing" that the whole family will have to put up with. I know that my husband thinks I won't do this for very long but... he can think what he wants. I think it's a great idea.

Earl... you gotta LOVE him.

It is absolutely the worse season I can remember for TV but there is one glimmer of light. My Name is Earl is so funny I can barely stand it when I get a chance to watch. I remember seeing the trailers when they were introducing this show last summer. I thought it looked so stupid and I swore I would not watch it. I take that back and I suggest if you have not had a chance to watch Earl you take 30 minutes out of your schedule on a Tuesday night and enjoy. It's all about Karma and I think that is a good thing. It is white trash America at it's best.

Top Ten songs of all time!!!

I was traveling to the state staff meeting tonight and while I was driving out of Chicago I realized how my taste in radio has changed. I no longer listen to any music. Day in and day out I listen to Pete McMurray and Steve Dahl on WCKG radio 105.9 Chicago. They even broadcast live through the internet so when I am at work or away from home I can still hear them and I never feel far from home.

So as I was traveling and losing my radio station I found myself surfing the radio stations trying to find something I could listen to for two hours. That never did happen. I channel surfed, listening to everything from Kelly Clarkson "Hazel Eyes" to Garth Brook "Two Pina Colodas". At one point one of my favorite songs of all time, "Renegade" by Styx came on some station. I was so excited when I heard the beginning notes... I played with my speaker settings to get the full affect in the SUV and I JAMMED as loud as I could take it. As I was doing this I thought to myself... What are my top 10 songs of all time. What are the few songs that when they come on the radio or if I were sitting at home what would I turn up as loud as I could and sing like I was a Rock Star? Well here is my list as of to November 8, 2005

1. Blue Collar Man - Styx
2. Freebird - Lynard Skynard
3. Renegade - Styx
4. Crazy Train - Ozzy Osborn
5. Ridin' the Storm Out - REO Speedwagon
6. Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks
7. Cracklin' Rose - Neil Diamond
8. Thunderstruck - ACDC
9. Wheel in the Sky - Journey
10. Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh

This has gotten me thinking what are some of my other top ten list... love songs, 70's, 80's, 90's, silly songs, disco... I think I will have to work on that...